{"id":891,"date":"2020-07-09T15:32:58","date_gmt":"2020-07-09T14:32:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/chaplaincy\/?p=891"},"modified":"2020-07-09T15:32:58","modified_gmt":"2020-07-09T14:32:58","slug":"looking-back-at-our-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.glos.ac.uk\/chaplaincy\/2020\/07\/09\/looking-back-at-our-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Looking back at our life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

At our communion service today we were thinking about looking back over our life. Here’s the reading taken from from Psalm 139, and the reflection. (And here’s a link to another way that you can do this reflection using Psalm 23<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n


From Psalm 139:<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Lord, you have examined me and you know me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know everything I do; <\/p>\n\n\n\n

from far away you understand all my\nthoughts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see me, whether I am working or resting; <\/p>\n\n\n\n

you know all my actions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even before I speak, you already know what I will say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are all round me on every side; you protect me with your power. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n


Where could I go to escape from you? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where could I get away from your\npresence? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I went up to heaven, you would be there; <\/p>\n\n\n\n

if I lay down in the world of the\ndead, you would be there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I flew away beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

you would be there to lead me, you would be there to help me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n


You created every part of me; <\/p>\n\n\n\n

you put me together in my mother’s\nwomb.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I praise you because I am fearfully\nand wonderfully made. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it with all my heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my bones were being formed, knit together in my mother’s womb, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there – <\/p>\n\n\n\n

you saw me before I was born. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The days allotted to me had all been\nrecorded in your book, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

before any of them ever began. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your thoughts are far beyond my\nunderstanding, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

much more than I could ever imagine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I try to count your thoughts, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

but they outnumber the grains of sand\non the beach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


As some of you know, last Sunday was my birthday – and I spent a few quiet minutes at one point looking back over my life – 59 years of it now! I think that as you get older there\u2019s something important about looking back over the different stages of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels to me that we are a bit like a Russian doll. Inside each\nof us are all these earlier Simon\u2019s, or Kelly\u2019s, or Sam\u2019s – stretching right\nback to our earliest days. And these earlier versions of us, with their\nexperiences and stories, are still part of us, and often still influence us, sometimes\nwithout us realising it. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge them is part of\nallowing the work of healing and integration to flow backwards through our\nlife, and forwards to where we are now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psalm 139 is a great encouragement as we do this. It reminds us\nthat God knew us even when we were in our mother\u2019s womb. As Julian says, \u2018before\never we were made, God loved us.\u2019 He has been with us each step of our journey,\neven when we haven\u2019t been aware of him – and he will be there with us in all\nthe days to come. He holds and understands more than we can comprehend, and he\ncan help us to look back over our life with gentleness and kindness, and so\nbecome a little more whole. I came across a quote the other day: \u2018Wholeness\ndoes not mean perfection. It means embracing brokenness as an integral part of\nlife.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was talking with our Big Questions caf\u00e9 group yesterday\nabout this, and asking how they felt about the age they were now. One was\npleased to have got through his quarter life crisis – at 25! – and several were\nlooking forward to the calm waters of their 30s. Some of us were quite a bit\nolder, and aware of the questions that often come at mid-life – Where am I now?\nWhat have I achieved? – and the danger of comparing ourselves to others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These questions are reminders of the way that our earlier\nselves may still be influencing us. Are we still trying to win our parents\nfavour, or catch up with our siblings or classmates? Are we still governed by\nour need to be a good little girl or boy – or our desire to rebel from earlier constraints\nand be free?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe there are some things that, on reflection, we might\nwant to let go of… Maybe there is a need to acknowledge what hasn\u2019t been good.\nAnd perhaps looking back at what we have received in our life so far may fill\nus with thankfulness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of this might speak more about not where we are now, but\nwho we are now. Looking back can help us learn self awareness and humility, and\nso lead us into a deeper way of living which will be a blessing for us and for\nothers in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If this is true for us as individuals, what about us as a\ncountry? We\u2019ve been enjoying the latest series of \u2018A House through time\u2019 – a\nwonderful exploration of history through the people who have lived in a single\nhouse. It makes me think about the Russian dolls again. There are so many\ngenerations before our generation, and their experience has shaped who we are\nnow, a bit like our childhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It ties in with the very important reflection over our\ncountry\u2019s past which has begun over the last few weeks. What things in our past\ndo we need to acknowledge, and repent of? The house in Bristol that David\nOlusoga introduces us to was built by the captain of a slave ship. Unless we\nlook the dark parts of our history in the face, we will not really understand\nhow that history still defines us and divides us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What things do we need to let go of? Are we still trying to\nlive up to what we see as past glories, and our picture of Great Britain as a\nworld power, at the top table? Does that drive us in unhealthy ways? And poison\nour relationships with other nations?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What things do we need to be thankful for? Have we really\nnoticed how incredibly wealthy we are, as a nation? Do we live as those who\nhave received great generosity and want to be generous in return, both to those\nwho are less fortunate in our country, and elsewhere?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflecting on our past, and thinking about who we are now can\nhelp us learn self awareness, and humility as individuals, and maybe it could\nfor us as a nation too. And from this deeper understanding of where we have\ncome from, and who we are now, can come a movement towards integration, and a\nreadiness to live in thankfulness and to give more freely. May we know that for\nourselves, and may we learn it together,  as we move into a new and very different stage\nof our story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n