Going down

Every year I sign up for daily Advent emails from Brian Draper, who is a wonderful soulful guide through this time of year.

Last Thursday Brian was talking about how we find our inmost place,  using some thoughts by the Christian teacher John Eldridge. He suggests that we learn to descend, as it were, through the different levels of our being – through the Shallows, and then through what he calls the Mid-Lands, and then down into the Depths. Brain explained it like this:

We know the Shallows well: we spend much of our day there, on phones and screens, distracted and interrupted.

The Mid-lands is a place of our longings, hopes, fears, dreams – the stuff that keeps us up at night, at times. It’s where we tend to shed our tears, too, he says. And at this time of year, it can fill up fast with added freight.

Meantime, the Depths is a less entangled place, containing the kind of treasure which remains when all the rest is stripped away – faith, hope and love, let’s say, and the presence of the One who made the oceans and mountains and stars …

That connected with me. I recognise these different levels in myself. I like the distinction between the surface activity of our brains, and the next level down – the stuff that I notice with when I stop – the joys and struggles of the heart.

And I especially like the understanding that although this can seem the deepest level, it isn’t. The deepest level is where we move beyond all of this into a simplicity of just being with God. My favourite spiritual writer, Mother Julian, says that the deepest level of Prayer is to just rest in the goodness of God, knowing that his goodness reaches down to our deepest level of need.

I’m not very good at quietness or meditation, but I find it helpful to have five or ten minutes most days when I can just be with God. I put down the phone – the Shallows stuff – BBC News, Wordle, emails… I often get my Mid-lands stuff out of the way first by bringing to God my concerns and longings for my family, myself and others. And then I put on the timer, and just breathe, using whatever phrase I am using at the time. At the moment it is simply ‘My love holds you’. That’s just my way – I’m sure you will have your own way of being in the Depths.

I wonder if Mary had a way of just being with God? I’m sure that she spent time in the Shallows. Thinking about the jobs she had to do,  catching up with the village news… And there would have been a lot going on in her Mid-lands – hopes and fears about her marriage to Joseph, and leaving home, and maybe the longings for a family…

When Gabriel comes to see her you can see her responding from these levels. Her first response if practical – from the Shallows – how can this be? I’m not married – I’m a virgin. But alongside this there is the response of her Mid-Lands, which Gabriel senses – her fear, her concern about all her future hopes, the turmoil in her heart.

And then, listening to Gabriel’s words or reassurance, does she stop, and breathe? Does she remember again the God who she knows so well? Des she rest for a moment in his goodness? And maybe it is then – after that holy pause – that she is free to just accept, and trust, and say ‘I belong to the Lord body and soul – let it be to me according to his will.’

As we come to pray, we become aware of what is going on in the Shallows of our selves – our awareness of the immediate – and of what is next – the thoughts that keep distracting us…

And then we can become aware of all that is there in our Mid-Lands – the tidal currents in our hearts – fears, longings, heartache, heart’s joy, and we allow this space to be acknowledged – we allow ourselves to feel the flow within us…

And then we take a few moments to simply rest in the goodness of God, knowing that that goodness reaches down to our deepest level of need. We allow ourselves to still, and just be – maybe as we breathe gently repeating to ourselves those words: My love holds you…

And so we end by saying with Mary to the God who loves us: I belong to the Lord, body and soul – shallows, mid-lands and depths. Let it be to me according to your will.